Self Empowerment for Women

Self-esteem, relationships, domestic violence, abuse

Dear Men…from the victim

How can this not be addressed?

In this post, I am not in any way saying that women are not at fault for joining in on certain conversations in regards to men and sexual innuendos. I am saying, however that it is more than not, the male mind that takes part in the degradation of the female body when in the midst of other men. Not only is this an attack on women, but it is most certainly the foundation of what feeds the minds of rapists and abusers.

We all know and have even witnessed situations that when men are in a group,  it only takes one mind to start the train of thought which leads to words of degrading women.

Why is it, that there are so few MEN in the room that will take a stand and say NO to these horrible habits of thought.  How can you say you love women on one hand, yet take part in demoralizing them as if they were nothing more than a dirty joke? These words are not amusing nor are they funny, and it is totally dis-respectable to your partners in life.

I ask that you keep these two things in mind if and when you are involved in a conversation of such:  One, that if you do not now have a daughter or daughters, that you may one day and these remarks are directed towards them as well. Two, that your mother is also being targeted with these so-called humorous remarks or jokes~  Need I say more??

Dear men...

Dorothyl

January 12, 2014 Posted by | Abuse, Women | , , , , , | 2 Comments

Rape: a discussion on Face Book~

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The act of rape is not only serious, intrusive, violating, victimizing, terrorizing and traumatizing,  it is also an act that remains without reason or rhyme for so many. We read and hear,  that it is about an act of a type of control and power. When I speak/write about the act of rape, it is about when the word NO, bears no meaning. It is about when one person goes beyond what is right and what is acceptable. It is also about when a person has no control over their own thoughts and/or actions, yet takes control over another’s through physical and/or mental actions in a sexual manner of sorts.
I ran into this discussion on Face Book in which I felt compelled to share with you as it deals with a subject matter that can affect each and everyone to some degree.
The discussion deals with reactions towards the perpetrators of rape.
Please feel free to add to this discussion~
DorothyL

January 12, 2013 Posted by | Abuse, Women | , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Smile outside…scream inside~

… after watching the hidden imprisonment that this child is allowing to surface through his self-expression.. I could not help but wonder, do we as parents choose to not identify with our children’s feelings and self-esteem or do we just not see them? Does it take a child’s threats of suicide to open your eyes as a parent that you are missing something vital to your child’s happiness?

This video may or may not be real, but what is real, is the message it is sending to you as a parent… please stop for a moment each day and not only talk but listen to your child. Keep an eye on how long he/she spends on Face Book, texting others and even the time he/she chooses to be alone.

~YOUR awareness as to where your child’s thoughts are, is not only essential to their happiness, but vital to their survival~

~You chose to be a parent… act like one~

Dorothyl

December 4, 2011 Posted by | Abuse | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Confusions caused by abuse~

The innocence of a child, will not allow their minds to understand what terror is being put on them during the abuse. They can no more think of killing their abuser than they can a fly on the wall

It worsens when the child knows the abuser, because they have a love and trust that is so innocent, they cannot mistrust. This is where the confusion is set deep into their psyche, causing them to have conflicts with feelings throughout their life. In place of learning love through hugs and smiles, they are taught love through sexual abuse and threats. They have already learnt that the world is not safe. Children quickly learn through instinct to remove their minds from their bodies. They also can manipulate their bodies to go numb in order to not feel any physical contact with the abuser. This is what we call detachment disorder. Abused children are also taught to mistrust any form of physical, emotional and/or verbal love and/or appreciation. 

The abuser will tell them things like, “Daddy loves you and wants to show you how much”, or ” I am teaching you what daddy’s teach their daughters so that you will grow up and know how to be a good woman”. 

So much deception and lies from someone that a child holds dear to their heart. To doubt their abuser when it is their father, only makes them feel like a bad child. They know that their father wants them to love them and smile for them.This makes daddy happy. It is what every child is naturally driven to do. They thrive on their parents smiles and happy feelings. This is the exact thing that an abuser takes advantage of and also poisons through the abuse they inflict on the child. 

The child will also think in two identities if the abuser is her father or her uncle. She will think simply in two parts. Good daddy, bad daddy. This helps her to keep her good daddy image safe, where he is suppose to be. The second daddy will be a figure in a bad dream, not real to her world at all. A child may turn to drawing pictures of her good daddy and bad daddy. Or write very obscure, negative, even offensive poems or stories. These are true signs and most certainly cries for help. Please do not ever underestimate the power of the pen. It will either be a cry for help from someone that cannot use words, or it could be the key to ones doors of healing. 

When the abuser is a family member, this factor alone robs the child of what would be known as a safe nest. The child will never know what a healthy role model is. Nor will this child ever have the experience of innocent nurturing. Unless this child through years of growth, learns to identify with their abuser and confront the abuse,  their healing will never begin. Without this inner healing and peace, one is likely to repeat this horrible act of abuse that they were lead to believe to be a common practice in parenting. 

Victims have no choice but to survive. If they do not commit suicide, they learn to cope. I have mentioned in another article that some use drugs, alcohol, food, cutting ones self and even sex. These are common coping strategies. NO they are not good ones, but for most of the victims that choose that road, it’s the better of the two evils. 

Other victims choose to forget it ever happened, down play the abuse or rationalize it as if it were nothing more than a simple hug or touch. They even go as far as excusing their abusers actions or temper, saying the was drunk or too stressed out from working. Victims will even try to understand and feel sorrow for their abusers. Anything to not accusethem and have to deal with the confusion of the why’s. Some even become so withdrawn into themselves, fearing that they may talk too much, or give a clue to someone about their nightmare. Then all their shame will be seen. So they choose silence instead of risk. 

Denial is another way around facing the reality. But denial has a way of twisting around and returning with a vengeance. To not allow your pain to come up front so you can deal with it, only gives it more time to grow inside of you and get a stronger hold of your mind. Reality and fantasy will also get confused at this point. People will confuse your actions and words with mental illness. Then not only will you have your abuser to contend with, but now others will be trying to force you into another victim situation. Yes, you have done whatever it took to survive this horrible abuse, so now rise above it. It was nothing more than a cause and effect battle. A battle that you have over come!

I continue to show you patterns that are caused by neglecting yourself and allowing yourself to be totally absorbed by an action that was NEVER in your control. Now it is in your control. Now you can do something about it. SO, what are you waiting for? FIGHT!!!! Fight like you are trying to save the life of someone dear to you. Fight like a master and use your power to say, “Go to hell“. Scream this as loud as you can, “I see you, I hear you and I will not allow you to abuse me any longer!” You must feel the freedom that comes with this new fight that is awakening inside you. Once the fight is over, you will live a new life. A new book has just been written.

You are FREE! Free to Live, Love and Laugh!! 

DorothyL

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April 15, 2011 Posted by | Abuse | , , , , | 2 Comments

Bruises fade… Pain does not~

Women…..

Have you ever been the one that has to hide the embarrassment of abuse?

Have you ever been the one that has to wear extra makeup so that no questionable looks will fall upon you by every passer by?

Have you ever been the one that has become very good at creating somewhat believable  stories explaining the bruises that continue to return?

Have you ever wondered just how many more bruises will have to be endured and fade away before you say, ‘ENOUGH’ ?

Funny how once a bruise is faded away, the pains caused to a victim are so easily forgotten.

It is almost as if that faded bruise has just cleared the way for the abuser to add another.

So true is the saying, ‘Out of sight…Out of mind’

So true is also the saying, ‘ Abusers will abuse … because they can’.

~D~

April 8, 2011 Posted by | Abuse | 3 Comments

You are the cycle of abuse~

You are the cycle of abuse…we all are in one way or another.

Whether we realize it or not.

Have you ever thought,  how just a look or a simple word can tear apart the innocence and trust of a loved one?

Have you ever told someone to shutup, or used a very negative label through name calling?

Have you ever blatantly ignored someone for reasosn of payback?

Have you ever lost your cool and struck out at another?

All of these actions are lethal weapons and play a huge part in rendering a person helpless and demoralized. There is no love in these actions only pure destruction of what once was innocent and trusting.

It is like taking a beautiful flower and pouring acid in its soil..it dies, slowly it weakens and deteriorates until it is nothing but dust.

These are my thoughts on abuse in every way shape or form.

Below I am honored to share with you some very deep and genuine thoughts from a very dear friend of mine on the subject of abuse. He has kindly trusted me and has allowed me to share his thoughts as a guest post. This writer does not share his thoughts through research, statistics or something seen on a television show. He speaks from true grit  life experiences and his own struggles as victim and survivor of abuse.~

I introduce…. Wilmaryad Oscallas

Parents are crucial in building and strengthening their children‘s character. As cliche as it sounds, children are but a blank page on which life values are written. Teaching your kids how to get by in life mustn’t happen at the expense of their psychological and emotional well-being. Some kids are slower to grasp than others. And so what? Therefore, parents, I beg you, don’t assault your kids, physically, verbally or emotionally, because the world outside of the household will take care of that, in abundance.

Instead, nurture your children, free their shoulders from burdens they are too small to carry. Let them play, let them break things, watch them make mistakes, laugh the mistake away to avoid instilling in the kid an unnecessary sense of fatality and guilt. Trust me, you’d much rather have your kid make mistakes under your watchful eye than bottle up all those necessary steps towards learning and unleashing them in school or on the streets, which could result in dire consequences that can even lead to imprisonment.

Don’t let your anger out on your kids, because you’ll make angry adults out of them. So angry that they can’t keep friends, won’t do well in school/at work and miserably fail in romantic partnerships. If you normalize your abuse of your children as part of their upbringing, they’ll think it normal for their future partners to abuse them, too.

This doesn’t mean you should spoil your kids rotten until you lose total control over their behavior, in and out of the house. Instead of imposing things on them, teach them independence and self-reliance, by supervising their choices and enhancing their self-worth, without which they’ll grow up to be a burden on society.

Now, if you insult your kids, scream at them, and chastise them for the slightest mishap, stop for a second and monitor your actions. Kids are as deep as water wells when it comes to hiding what’s bothering them. So, don’t expect your kid to ask you to stop your tyranny. It is NEVER too late to plead guilty of ignorance, to ask for forgiveness, and to prove you’ve changed by using a more tender tone of voice and displaying less anger on your face. Your kids will, eventually, forgive you because they love you unconditionally and can’t understand why you don’t.

If you hit your daughter today, she won’t find it odd if her future boyfriend/husband abuses her, too. Chances are you’ll reprimand her for always choosing losers, forgetting that by abusing her all her life, you had cut off her wings and suffocated her emotional development in the cradle. If your abused daughter has kids, she might inflict upon them what you had inflicted upon her; but if she is self-aware, she’ll give them all the affection and care you always deprived her of.

Society is at a suicidal point because there are too many abuse victims. The world out there is a brutal jungle, where an abused lion will be eaten by his fellow lions, because he wasn’t taught how to embrace his value as a lion and masterfully rule the jungle. So, mothers and fathers, please, reconsider your approach to raising your kids. Violence only begets violence, and it may even be directed against you by your own children, someday. I’m sure you’ve all heard of people who couldn’t take any more abuse and murdered their parents. Nobody wants this to happen, right?

More at: http://gayarabguy.blogspot.com/

 

~As always..I look forward to your thoughts~

~D~

August 6, 2010 Posted by | Abuse | 3 Comments

Emotional Abuse~

We all talk about it… hear about it…read about it…we even witness it…but how many of us are actually victims of it and are not identifying with it for whatever reason. The it in this post being emotional abuse~
It cannot be seen, nor controlled in so many cases as it is what I consider an invisible abuse and so many of us do not know how emotional abuse looks on a victim or worse whether or not we are the victim. It is all about controlling another person through their emotions. We do however see the results and the damage of emotional abuse as the victim slowly loses their smile, weight,  their zest for life and/or drinks too much or falls into self medicating with drugs. We see it as they stop calling or coming over. We see it when they refuse to allow us to visit for fear of being discovered or questioned.
It can be so obvious if we know what to look for in our family, friends even our own selves.
This video describes emotional abuse clearly and not only leaves you without a doubt…it also leaves you with many thoughts and a keen awareness of what emotional abuse looks like~

 

~D~

June 30, 2010 Posted by | Abuse, Women | , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Credit Card Companies say” NO” to CHILD PORNOGRAPHY!!

I found this article and well, you know me, I just had to expose it to a wider audience. I would luv to hear your thoughts on whether or not these multi-billion dollar, profit- tycoon companies will actually turn down that almighty dollar. Personally, I doubt it, but again that is just my opinion and I will leave that thought with you!


*******USARELIGIOUSNEWS.COMCredit Cards Cancel Porn2006-08-03 — USA Religious News –-

The Financial Coalition Against Child Pornography is teaming up with the U.S. credit card market in an attempt to take the profitability out of online child porn, a multibillion-dollar, international business. Participating credit card companies will report child porn sites they find that are accepting their cards as a means of payment for the porn. They will also block these transactions or possibly help track sellers and buyers if an investigation by law enforcement results.
Ernie Allen, of the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC), and Senator Richard Shelby (R-AL) brought the coalition together, with the goal to eradicate commercial child porn by 2008.
“The scope of the problem is much greater than we ever thought,” Allen says. “It’s mind-boggling.” NCMEC’s CyberTipline reports more than 340,000 reports of child porn websites — up from just 24,400 five years ago.
Allen explains how one website can attract thousands of customers, predominantly male, who purchase $29 monthly subscriptions on their credit cards. “People are getting into this because they see children as a commodity,” Allen adds. “There’s no question organized crime is involved.”
The NCMEC spokesman explains the groups’ strategy. “To eliminate the commercial viability of child pornography, we must stop the flow of money,” he says. “To do that, we need the involvement of the world’s leaders in the payments industry and the Internet.”
Participating companies include Visa, MasterCard, American Express and Discover. In addition, Bank of America, Chase, Citigroup and PayPal are involved. However, MasterCard and American Express do not intend to reveal customer identities unless subpoenaed to do so.
“This is the broadest, most comprehensive coalition we’ve been involved in,” said MasterCard executive Joshua Peirez. “This is not a competitiveness issue. This is about protecting children.”


REALLY….is all I really have to say to that.
Better yet…. is there an election to follow this attempt to smell good in the most ridiculous pile of garbage? Seriously, this is like believing that magazines will stop trying to make their profits selling: cosmetics, diet-programs and pills or ageless cremes through unreal body images. A fact that we all know, has only been brought to our attention because of shouts being heard, finally from self-respecting women that are tired of watching these companies make profits at the expense of our younger and very vulnerable generation. This line really made my stomach tighten into a knot of disgust, “NCMEC’s CyberTipline reports more than 340,000 reports of child porn websites — up from just 24,400 five years ago.” Also this one, “People are getting into this because they see children as a commodity,” Allen adds. “There’s no question organized crime is involved.”

UG….is this what are world has evolved to?

A low-life and sick-twisted poor excuse for a human being. That is again my opinion of these creatures that seek out this kind of so-called sick excitement. I am not sure which one I would like to remove from this earth first, the seller or the buyer. Why is there a market for such an item of, again I say, “so-called sick excitement?” I really do not like to be gender specific or point any fingers, but it is becoming more than obvious even to the most narrow minded person that males are noted as the culprit behind the majority of buyers, as this quote also backs me up in that thought, “Allen explains how one website can attract thousands of customers, predominantly male, who purchase $29 monthly subscriptions on their credit cards.” It is the old question of what came first,” the chicken or the egg?” Is it the stripper or the patron paying for that stripper? Is it the bank robbers and purse thief’s or is it the government`s teachings of legalized robbery as they do well through taxes and fee`s with a smile and a hand shake?Is it the makers of child pornography, the parents that profit, or the person purchasing such filth? Is it the bar owner making sales of alcohol, or is it the person that pays for it? Do you see a pattern here at all?I do!…I see it like this….It is ,”I” that chooses to make the decision of what, “I” want or do not want. It is “I” that chooses to undermine what is right from wrong. It is,”I” that spends my time and money on the said item or form of excitement.Can you see it now?It is YOU and I that is responsible for all of this garbage that we have to smell every second of every day. It is also YOU and I that can change this stench of life.So lets DO IT….PLEASE. For the sake of our children and their children and so on, can we not just put more time and energy in making this world a little bit of a better place. I don`t know about you, but when someone says that I cannot do something or that I will fail because the, ” Bible told me so”.  Well I fight back and prove them wrong on every damn letter of their accusation or disbelief. SO lets FIGHT back and NOT ALLOW these horrible people continue to ruin our what should be a beautiful world.

We are strength in numbers ans I have said so many times to the members of my WSE forum, so people hear me now…. WE CAN DO THIS!!!!  WE CAN DO ANYTHING WE WANT, we just have to WANT IT!!!!! I hope that you know where your child is and I hope that you are not making a profit on your child, for that I hope you pay in full!

~D~

October 21, 2009 Posted by | Abuse | , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Forgiveness..a Key to Personal Freedom

forgiveness is the key-

What do you do when you are in a place where someone’s hurt you? Someone that you have trusted deeply and cared so much for in your life!What do you do when you are hit  blindsided by life and pulled down so fast that you almost lose your breathe, not to mention your sense of reality? Do you become a new acquaintance of negative thinking and allow hate, disgust, bitterness even resentment to take control of your thoughts?

“DO NOT…. do that!“

Do not allow any amount of negative thinking  hold you down under its weight of mistrust and its desire to hurt back. It will be a very long road to nowhere.  Happiness is most certainly not at the end of that road. The only thing that you will find there is the need to avenge your pain and sorrows. You will be tricked into thinking that to hurt back is the only way to find closure or justice.

“DO NOT… do that!“

There is not a single person on earth that has not been a victim of mistrust, criticism or deception in one form or another. Whether it be from a partner, child, co-worker, girl-friend or even a neighbor. When one has been hurt by a close  and trusted person, that hurt goes into places very deep inside of your heart. It is a hurt that is considerably unbearable and you feel like your life has come close to death. If you give into that hurt and allow it to consume your thoughts, you will fall into a very ugly world of wanting to somehow avenge  that person in either the same level of hurt or even a deeper hurt.

I have experienced…..

readmore

 

~DorothyL~

 

September 3, 2009 Posted by | Abuse, Women | , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

The rape…the aftermath

rape aftermath 51

Quietly you pull up your sweats, then slide into your running shoes and grab your ipod on your way out the door for your  early  run. This is your time of the day, your space to just breathe and prepare for the rest of whatever the day has to bring you.  Up early,  just in time to see the sun rise, breathing in the early morning dew, putting  your best foot forward as you fall into your cadence at ease.

The park is quiet at this time, which is a good thing as you love to sing while you run to challenge your heart rate. The trees are so  thick and full at this time of year that a person could easily stay hidden in them, you think as you run. The birds sing as they begin to wake to the sun, as it shows its first peak of light. You close your eyes for a second and feel the warmth of the day on your face and then in that instant, something knocks the wind out of you. You are taken over from behind, you fall to the ground, you no sooner put your arm down to push yourself up and you feel a pain shoot through the back of your head, falling to the ground.

You must have passed out,  the more conscious you become, the more you  try to regain some level of reality…you realize that your body is not your own..it is being sexually violated. This abuse, this rape, it is tearing you apart, the pain and the violation is like nothing you have ever experienced before……

readmore

 

~DorothyL~

 

August 13, 2009 Posted by | Abuse, Women | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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